Wylde's Best: Matt Walsh

The man himself

As we all know, Oscar Wylde lives on through his devoted followers, such as myself. Thus, it is my privilege to introduce one of Oscar's biggest targets of derision, Matt Walsh. It's not that Walsh is always wrong. But as they say, a stopped clock is right twice a day, and a third time when you're drinking.

Matt Walsh is known as a prolific writer for The Blaze. He spends his time worrying about what everyone else is doing. Perhaps this is why he's been depressed and sometimes feels overwhelmed. After all, worrying about what everyone is doing is probably exhausting. He's not without some high points though. By calling out Planned Parenthood for their evil ways (after all, how can killing the defenseless be defended?), he uses his platform for good. Additionally, he's willing to point out bad politicians on both sides of the aisle. This is generally a good thing.

So why does Wylde deride Walsh so much? Well, firstly, Walsh comes across as a bit pretentious. His posts usually exceed 2000 words with little reason. Oscar would often copy posts (excerpts in his time) onto paper and edit them to make them better, as seen in Wylde's Books. In modern times, his followers do the same with Word and bloggers like Matt Walsh. Between his repetition and not getting to the point, most of Matt's posts can be reduced to 1000 words or less.

What's more, Mr. Walsh has rather one dimensional thinking. Even aside from the points brought up in Wylde Notions: Deism, Matt has a hard time making a point without resorting to appeal to authority, a logical fallacy. I admire that he sticks to his guns, in this case his faith, but he can't seem to make a point outside of it, or to demonstrate why it's supposed to be true. If it's in the Bible, he has an argument. That's about it.

Matt Walsh advocates spanking, sees mental illness as a spiritual struggle, and thinks all Left leaning people are evil. This sentence usually shows how the previous sentence is a joke or exaggeration; it is not. He fails to see how mental illness is generally, but not limited to, imbalances in brain chemicals. Or that spanking can traumatize children and teach them that might makes right. And also that there are decent Left political people, especially those who are pro-life. As can be guessed, his non-Biblical arguments are often straw men and appeal only to third graders.

Matt's favorite target

As Matt struggles to make a point outside of his usual rhetoric, conservative leaning thinkers such as myself look on in embarrassment. Speaking for myself, I try to see things from a modern Utilitarian viewpoint. That is, improve the overall good for everyone. While I disagree with welfare systems, I refuse to make a straw man of people who do and thus shut down any debate before points can be made. This is opposite of Matt Walsh's style. Rather than learn why people hold certain views, he simply demonizes them.

Rather than admit his views are too simplistic to interact with the complex situations of life, Matt doubles down and insists that he;s right because of the Bible. Then again, he often declares himself correct as a Professional Sayer of Truths and doesn't always appeal to the Bible. But when he does, he's run out of ideas.

Now I'd like to close with a quick note. Mr. Walsh views blog posts like this as trying to ride on his popularity. While I might get more views because of using him as subject matter, that's not my aim. My aim is to take a sober look at how he does things and reveal him as the amateur he is. He avoids critique and ridicules dissenters. It's time he took a serious look at the shilling he does.

A Wylde Rush: Caitlyn Jenner

If you follow the news like I do, you'd know that Caitlyn Jenner was awarded the Arthur Ashe award at the ESPY's. There are rumors circulating that it was a sham and that Jenner payed off supporters in order to get the award. The matter is complicated further by the fact that any questions into the matter are labelled transphobic. I'm here to give you the serious facts so you can decide what the hell is going on here.

Caitlyn can't belive this shit.

First, let's explain the word transphobic for all of you confused citizens out there. If you could see this as I type, transphobic is underlined in red. It's not even a word! What on earth could it mean? Well, "trans" means across and of course "phobic" is of fear. Thus the word means "Someone with a fear of crossing." I suppose those questioning Caitlyn's award are afraid of crossing the street? We'll never know for sure, as none of the dissenters were allowed to speak long enough to explain themselves.

So what is the Arthur Ashe award? It's awarded to someone who shows courage; it actually extends beyond sports. Oscar Wylde commented, "What's the bloody point? Why not just make all of the ESPY's not about sports? Wankers." Others like Lauren Hill and Noah Galloway, who dealt with cancer and a loss of his legs respectively, were passed over for this award. According to ESPN, the reasoning was simple, "Everyone loves a tranny. They're just so weird and wonderful, especially when they have enough money for the best doctors."

I asked ESPN for further comment and got this short reply, "Caitlyn Jenner is a transsexual and therefore has achieved the highest qualification for the award. If Laverne Cox had transitioned more recently, we would have probably given her the award simply to remain hip."

Candis Cayne, Caitlyns' trans GF. Also not a distraction.

Rumors are circulating that ABC traded Caitlyn the award in exchange for sealing TV and interview deals. When I asked ABC for comment, I got this reply, "We're sorry, but we are unable to discuss this deal until it is final. The Arthur Ashe award may not be enough to seal Ms. Jenner's fealty to us. Have a rotten day, scum monkey."

Bob Costas, legendary vampire and anchor described this situation as, "Unsanitary in a mental way. I'd bang the hell out of Caitlyn but there were others more deserving of the award. Way to stay humble."

Candis Cayne, Jenner's BFF and maybe more refused to comment. Her agent did, however, leave me a brick in my hotel room with a note that had the same death threat in three different languages. I promptly mailed it back for a refund.

As a professional sayer of truths, I must admit even I don't know who to believe. The Apostle Paul wrote to me a small note saying "Burn the witch!" Mohammed has already declared Jihad on Jenner. My agent is refusing to let me comment.

Wylde Notions: Deism

Today for you I will be going over the true facts of Deism according to Oscar Wylde. Pay attention, as there will be a quiz at the end. DO NOT simply scroll back up to help you answer the questions. Use a #2 pencil and wide ruled paper in the comments section. If you think it's funny to answer Yes Please to a question, think again, because this is serious stuff all the time.

Not a deist

What is a deist? According to Mr. Wylde, a deist is someone who answers "Yes Please!" to "Is there a god?" Further, a deist answers "Yes Please!" when asked, "Do you want fries with that?" Deists usually believe in a creator due to the Infinite Regress fallacy. According to Oscar, the IRF is "a big pain in the ass for atheists and they should suck it." On this blog, sucking it is optional as Oscar isn't here to enforce it.

So what about Yahweh or Allah, for example? Allah wasn't available for comment, but according to Oscar, Mohammed replied "Allahu akbar!" and promptly exploded. As for Jehovah/Elohim/Yahweh, the apostle Paul replied, "Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus. That homo Wylde ain't no deist and that's that. Besides, I'm too depressed to do much besides fill out the New Testament."

Not A distaction

Deists can differ on many points. As Wylde points out in his memoirs Fucked Silly in Paris, "Some deists like miracles, some don't. I'm not a deist so bugger if I know." Other forms of intervention and prayer are also key points. The Apostle Paul replied to this point saying, "Deists are too cowardly to pray. They refuse to ask for the bludgeoning they need to be made whole in Christ. They really need that beating to be as humble as I am."

So why do people become deists? According to my personal source, me, there are few points I made. For example, if Yahweh is the same forever, why does he grant salvation to only pious Jews, then kills them anyways, then eventually let's everyone in on eternal life unless Matt 15:24 is true and Gentiles are all fucked? Another point could be that a believer isn't really comfortable with a god who would slaughter infants.

An abortionist I interviewed laconically told me, "Ya know, I'm doing Yahweh's work, killing the infants of the infidels. I don't listen to that New Testament crap."

There are other reasons as you may guess. Matthew 15:24 is at odds with the message of John 3:16. The former verse has Jesus saying he came only for Israel. John 3:16 says he was sent for the world. This is known by Wylde as "bullshit" and by logicians as a "contradiction" (sometimes spelled contradicktion by Wylde). Is salavation only for the barbaric Jews? Or is it for everyone? How are we supposed to know if Inerrant Scripture can't tell us?

Seriously, ask a Jew about his culture and see how much of the Torah is brought up. The old books and laws may even be quoted, but not the Torah. Too much blood and gore, they said.

Now for the quiz:

1) According to Oscar Wylde, what is a deist?
2) Did Mohammed explode before or after yelling "Allahu akbar!"
3) What did the Apostle Paul do in his free time?
4) Name this person:

 5) Name the abortionist I quoted.
6) Who is known for the quote "It's time to beat the meat puppet!"?

Submit your answers below in the comments!

A Wylde Rush: Cosby Edition

I'd like to take the time to write the facts on Bill Cosby and his drug fetish. Over the last week I've heard confusing news stories and quotes, so I'd like to clear the air with no distractions.

Cosby drugged every single one of them.

Let's review what we know. Over the last year, every woman and their mothers came out accusing Cosby of trying to further their careers. This annoyed Cosby and in most cases he denied doing such a thing. The times he did help further a career, he insisted that each woman took a special drug to make them better at acting.

Cosby Cat was the one to collect the drugs

Not a distraction

So how did Cosby get away with it all? Until recently, he was able to pin the whole thing on his accomplice, Cosby Cat (pictured here). Cat was the one to get the drugs for Bill. and once Cat mentioned going public, Bill became furious and blamed Cat for everything. Bill made up the story that while he was attending to something else, Cosby Cat would drug the women. Then, Bill stated emphatically, Cat would put on a Bill Cosby Mask and attach a strap-on so he could molest the women involved (some pictured above).

Cat's lawyer wasted no time in collecting stories from the victims. They recollected only colors and shapes, so Cat was out of luck. All of the women remembered a black shadow looming over them and the feeling of a phallus in different places.

To save himself, Cat threw his life on the mercy of the court. Once he confessed to getting the drugs for Bill, he was let go on probation due to his help. Bill is now wanted for 523 acts of molestation, 757 counts of sexual assault, and various other charges. When asked to comment in an interview, Bill said, "As my friend OJ would say, if I did it, I didn't get caught. At least until that damn cat lied about me." 

It's going to be a Wylde Ryde

First, I'd like to thank my hero, Oscar Wilde for the inspiration to start this blog. He came to me in a dream one night and I asked him, "What are you doing here? What do you want?" He responded, "I want you to start a blog about serious things for me, as I am dead." I thought this was a rude interruption to my dream and said, "And how do you ask?" He grinned ear to ear and yelled "YES PLEASE!" Satisfied, I began plotting the serious nature and material of this blog. As "Wilde Time" is already taken, I had to change the I's to Y's. This is a serious change but it cannot be helped.

Let me remind you once again, this is serious stuff! When I say that someone is a pigfaced, smelly fathead, I'm not trying to start something, I'm just reporting something in a serious way. "Only the facts, ma'am" and that sort of thing. Rarely, I will inject my opinion to elucidate what I am reporting so that it stands out more. I have decided not to mark this in any way, as it would detract from the serious nature of this blog.

For example, when Michael Vick was arrested on dogfighting charges, a section would look something like this:

Michael Vick was recently apprehended by police for information regarding dog fights that he was allegedly part of. Vick denied these claims, but the officers pressed further. "Is it true that you yell 'Go Lillipup!' and then hurl your dog into the ring?" Vick replied smugly, "Naw dawg, I yell, 'Eat his face, Growlithe!' For serious man, learn your Pokey Manz." Police then arrested Vick due to his indirect confession. I would have yelled, "Go, Raikou!" but that's just me.

Not a distraction

Not a distraction.

As you can see by that last line, I highlighted Vick's comments by adding my own. Recall that this is a serious blog with serious stories. There are no distractions or other nonsense preventing you from getting the best information possible. Look forward to updates on politics, deism and religion, sexy tyme stuff, and more!