Wylde Notions: Deism

Today for you I will be going over the true facts of Deism according to Oscar Wylde. Pay attention, as there will be a quiz at the end. DO NOT simply scroll back up to help you answer the questions. Use a #2 pencil and wide ruled paper in the comments section. If you think it's funny to answer Yes Please to a question, think again, because this is serious stuff all the time.

Not a deist

What is a deist? According to Mr. Wylde, a deist is someone who answers "Yes Please!" to "Is there a god?" Further, a deist answers "Yes Please!" when asked, "Do you want fries with that?" Deists usually believe in a creator due to the Infinite Regress fallacy. According to Oscar, the IRF is "a big pain in the ass for atheists and they should suck it." On this blog, sucking it is optional as Oscar isn't here to enforce it.

So what about Yahweh or Allah, for example? Allah wasn't available for comment, but according to Oscar, Mohammed replied "Allahu akbar!" and promptly exploded. As for Jehovah/Elohim/Yahweh, the apostle Paul replied, "Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus. That homo Wylde ain't no deist and that's that. Besides, I'm too depressed to do much besides fill out the New Testament."

Not A distaction

Deists can differ on many points. As Wylde points out in his memoirs Fucked Silly in Paris, "Some deists like miracles, some don't. I'm not a deist so bugger if I know." Other forms of intervention and prayer are also key points. The Apostle Paul replied to this point saying, "Deists are too cowardly to pray. They refuse to ask for the bludgeoning they need to be made whole in Christ. They really need that beating to be as humble as I am."

So why do people become deists? According to my personal source, me, there are few points I made. For example, if Yahweh is the same forever, why does he grant salvation to only pious Jews, then kills them anyways, then eventually let's everyone in on eternal life unless Matt 15:24 is true and Gentiles are all fucked? Another point could be that a believer isn't really comfortable with a god who would slaughter infants.

An abortionist I interviewed laconically told me, "Ya know, I'm doing Yahweh's work, killing the infants of the infidels. I don't listen to that New Testament crap."

There are other reasons as you may guess. Matthew 15:24 is at odds with the message of John 3:16. The former verse has Jesus saying he came only for Israel. John 3:16 says he was sent for the world. This is known by Wylde as "bullshit" and by logicians as a "contradiction" (sometimes spelled contradicktion by Wylde). Is salavation only for the barbaric Jews? Or is it for everyone? How are we supposed to know if Inerrant Scripture can't tell us?

Seriously, ask a Jew about his culture and see how much of the Torah is brought up. The old books and laws may even be quoted, but not the Torah. Too much blood and gore, they said.

Now for the quiz:

1) According to Oscar Wylde, what is a deist?
2) Did Mohammed explode before or after yelling "Allahu akbar!"
3) What did the Apostle Paul do in his free time?
4) Name this person:

 5) Name the abortionist I quoted.
6) Who is known for the quote "It's time to beat the meat puppet!"?

Submit your answers below in the comments!